LISSA’S: Cali vs Texas

CALIFORNIA:

- I can wear sandals all year long.

- I go to the Beach - not "down to the shore".

-Our chicks are WAYYYY hotter than yours. Well...Miami can hang.

- I say "like" and "for sure" and "right on" and "dude" and "totally" and "peace out" and "chill" and "tight" and "bro" and I say them often.

- I know what real cheese & avocados taste like.

-Everyone smokes weed and its no big deal.

-We'll roll up 40 deep when something goes down.

-I live next door to Mexicans, but we call them American's!

-All the porn you watch is made here, cause we're better and thats how it is.

- I don't get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe, Shasta, and Big Bear.

- I know 65 mph really means 100.

- When someone cuts me off, they get the horn and the finger and high speed chase cuz we dont fuck around on the road.

- The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border).

- My governor can kick your governors ass.

- I can go out at midnight.

-We judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code.

- I might get looked at funny by locals when I'm on vacation in their state, but when they find out I'm from California I turn into a Greek GOD.

- We don't stop at stop signs... we do a "california roll"...No cop no stop baby!

- I can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day.

- All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here.

- We're the Golden State. Not the Cheese State. Not the Garden State.....GOLDEN!!!

- We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them).

- I have the most representation in the House of Representatives, which means MY opinion means more than yours, which means I'm better than you [geez.... hahaha].

- The best athletes come from here.


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TEXAS:

Hey... California listen up... Texas is where its at!

- I too can wear sandals all year long... plus I can put on my boots to stomp a mudhole in your ASS!

- You may be able to go to the "beach" instead of the "shore"... but can you go to the drive thru "Beer Barn?" What now surfer boy? We got beaches too.

- You're chicks aren't way hotter than ours... they are almost equal... and thats only due to silicone, saline, botox, lasers and hair dye... We have the real ones and they can kick your womens' asses.

- We're taught to say "Yes Sir" and "Yes Ma'am" and respect our elders because of it. We also say "Howdy" and "fixin" and "Yall" are pretty much recognized right away anywhere in the world :) We're FAMOUS!

- You may know what real cheese and avocados taste like... but I know what 100% Grade A Angus Beef tastes like. Who wants avocados and cheese when you can have steak and potatoes? By the way, what kind of cheese are you talking about?

- Haha... who do you think grows the weed and sells it to you?

- Why roll 40 deep when something goes down if 5 corn fed country boys can get the job done...

- I live next door to Americans, but we call them Mexicans.

- About your Porn.... 3 words... "Debbie Does Dallas"... You can brag about it now, but we started it

- Why would you brag about not getting snow days off?

- We're smart enough to know 65mph means 65, but our LEGAL speed limit is 70.

- - When someone cuts me off, they get run over by my big ass truck, then I give them the finger and tell them to go back to California.

- The drinking age is 21, but if you aren't chasing the beer by 12 months old... you're behind.

- Yeah, Well my governor became the President of the United States... yours isn't even eligible.

- You can go out at midnight? Thats nice, I haven't even come home by then.

- Ok... you said,"You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code" and as hard as I try I have no idea what you're talking about... I think you're watching too much TV.

- Yeah, you'll definitely get looked at funny when you come to visit but we have another name for you pretty boys, and its not Greek, its French.

- Of course you don't stop at stop signs... none of you can drive.

- You can pick up Real Mexican food 24 hours a day huh... well we have that too PLUS I can swing by home depot and pick up 24 Real Mexicans anytime of day. Can you say catering?

- All the TV shows get filmed there... but where does your favorite poker game come from? Texas Hold'em anyone?

- You can keep your golden state... We're the Lone Star State...the one and only!!

- Do I have to remind you about the drive thru Beer Barn again? Does In-N-Out serve alcohol? (Oh and did I mention Dr. Pepper was created in Texas?)[TEXAS does have an In-N-Out as well. Liberty, Texas, baby...so stick that in your juice box and suck it!]

-And who gives a sh*t about In-N-Out! Let's not forget about the best place in the world to get a burger..... WHATABURGER!!!! (they have the best ketchup in the world & that's cause it's FANCY!) I've had In-N-Out & personally it sucks big donkey dick!! WHAT-A-BURGER!!! Only in TEXAS, baby!

- You guys have the best athletes huh?... Nine words... Lance Armstrong and The University of Texas at Austin - the biggest and best university in the world.

-Oh and remind me again who won the Rose Bowl between USC and Texas????? I believe it was the LONGHORNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Every thing is bigger in TEXAS.

- Cali, your sinking.

Though I could mention MICHAEL JOHNSON - Olympic Sprinter, World record holder in 200m and 400m, 5 Olympic Gold medals, 9 time World Champion (born Dallas, TX).

- Football is a religion, not a sport.

- In Texas, football means football, not soccer.

- 90% of football "movies" you guys are making are about Texas Football.

-Varsity Blues, filmed in Georgetown, TX - Friday Night Lights, filmed in Odessa & Houston TX - Necessary Roughness, filmed in San Marcos, Texas.

- Texas is the only state that can still separate to become its own country. The only way California's gonna accomplish that is if another earthquake comes along and you guys sink into the ocean. Can you say Atlantis.... hahaha!

-Only our state flag can be flown at equal height with the national flag (republic of texas bitches).

-Our Capital Dome is bigger than the one in Washington D.C. and there is a clause in our state's constitution that says that texas will secede from the union if it doesn't remain the biggest.

- We are the only state that has been a Country.

- And we can just plain kick your sunshine asses!!

And as the Great Sam Houston once said "Texas could survive without the United States, but the United States could not survive without Texas".