Ten top reasons a Hurricane is like Christmas

Ten top reasons a Hurricane is like Christmas

......Everyone needs a little laughter.....

Number Ten:
Decorating the house (with plywood).

Number Nine:
Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season.

Number Eight:
Last minute shopping in crowded stores.

Number Seven:
Regular TV shows pre-empted for 'Specials'.

Number Six:
Family coming to stay with you.

Number Five:
Family and friends from out of state calling you.

Number Four:
Buying food you don't normally buy . . . and in large quantities.

Number Three:
Days off from work.

Number Two:
Candles.

And the Number One reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas:
At some point you're probably going to have a tree in your house!

Things I learned during Hurricane Ike

Things I learned during our Hurricane Ike . . .

1. Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ grill.

2. No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don't work without electricity.

3. My car gets 23.21675 miles per gallon, EXACTLY (you can ask the people in line who helped me push it).

4. Kids can survive 4 days or longer without a video game controller in their hand.

5. Cats are even more irritating without power.

6. He who has the biggest generator wins.

7. Women can actually survive without doing their hair- you just wish they weren't around you.

8. A new method of non-lethal torture -- showers without hot water.

9. There are a lot more stars in the sky than most people thought.

10. TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful.

11. A 7 lb bag of ice will chill 6-12 oz Budweiser's to a drinkable temperature in 11 minutes, and still keep a 14 lb. turkey frozen for 8 more hours.

12. There are a lot of dang trees around here.

13. Flood plain drawings on some mortgage documents were seriously wrong.

14. Aluminum siding, while aesthetically pleasing, is definitely not required.

15. Crickets can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 14 generators.

16. People will get into a line that has already formed without having any idea what the line is for.

17. When required, a Lincoln Continental will float, doesn't steer well but floats just the same.

18. Tele-marketers function no matter what the weather is doing.

19. Cell phones work when land lines are down, but only as long as the battery remains charged.

20. 27 of your neighbors are fed from a different transformer than you, and they are quick to point that out!

21. Hampers were not made to contain such a volume.

22. If my store sold only ice, chainsaws, gas and generators... I'd be rich.

23. Price of a can of soup rises 200% in a storm.

24. Your water front property can quickly become someone else's fishing hole.

25. Tree service companies are under appreciated.

26. I learned what happens when you make fun of another states' blackout.

27. MATH 101: 30 days in month, minus 6 days without power equals 30% higher electric bill ?????

28. Drywall is a compound word, take away the 'dry' part and it's worthless.

29. I can walk a lot farther than I thought.

Moondog’s Take on the Summer Heat

Now it is a steam bath,,

ever got an iron filled it up with water, turned it to steam and just given yourself a facial with the wrinkle release?.. that is what it feels like out there right now..

The Heterosexual Questionnaire

This came from my new MySpace friend "The Lesbian Mafia". I just had to post it here because it is so funny! Enjoy! ~Lissa

HETEROSEXUAL QUESTIONNAIRE

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
2. When and how did you decide you were a heterosexual?
3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may grow out of?
4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
5. If you have never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?
6. Do your parents know that you are straight? Do your friends and/or roommates know?
7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be who you are and keep it quiet?
8. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
9. Why do heterosexuals feel so compelled to introduce others to their lifestyle?
10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers?
11. Just what do men and women do in bed together? How can they truly know how to please each other, being so anatomically different?
12. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships between heterosexuals?
13. Statistics show that lesbians have the lowest of sexually transmitted disease. Is it really safe for a woman to maintain a heterosexual lifestyle and run the risk of disease and pregnancy?
14. How can you expect to become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality?
15. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?
16. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don't you feel that (s)he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own orientation?
17. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you change if you really want to. Have you ever considered aversion therapy?
18. Would you want your child to be heterosexual, knowing the problems (s)he would face?

(Anonymous)

Moondog’s response to the one-legged parachute jumper.

Moondog strikes again! This time I sent out the story about a guy from New York who lost his prosthetic leg while sky diving. The story is as follows:

NY man loses prosthetic leg while skydiving

POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. - An upstate New York man says he's still upbeat despite losing the same leg twice. Scott Listemann told the Poughkeepsie Journal that he laughs about losing his foot and lower leg "both the first time and the second time."

The Poughkeepsie man lost his leg below the knee in a November, 2007 accident. Listemann, 47, lost his prosthetic leg last month while skydiving in upstate New York.

The lower leg below the knee, with a foot clad in a running shoe, flew off after he jumped from the plane but before the parachute opened. Listemann says he's sure "it will show up eventually."

Listemann has distributed flyers throughout upstate Gardiner and hopes someone will find his prosthetic leg and call him.

...So this is the response I get back from Moondog:

"oh shit lopsided landing,,,

"Poukipsee tower ,, we are having trouble lowering both landing gear,,, have an ambulance standing by thank you.."



20 miles north of pouhkipsee,, today a man was kicked in the head by a bodiless leg,, the leg was wearing a running shoe,, but did not run after kicking the man in the head,,,, no ID was found on the leg,, but it is being held for assault....

While skydiving Saturday afternoon,,, Lefty Liftowitz, had his artificial eye fly out of his head,, In an interelated story, a panhandler in the Bronx while looking up to the sky to ask God, why he had to lose his eye, was hit in the head and when he became conscious he had a new artificial eye...

go figure,, that is todays news,, have a jolly good evening"

LOL.. Moondog never fails to suprise me!

On one of my many joke emails I usually send out daily, I got a reply back from our friend "Moondog" with his own twist answer. I was never really looking for an answer to this riddle because the punchline is at the end of it, but I absolutely love his answer! Check it out!

Can you solve this puzzle?

You are riding on a beautiful white horse.

On your left side is a drop off.

On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion.

In front of you are four large gazelles that won't get out of your way

and you can't seem to overtake them.

Behind you is a stampede of horses.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

For the answer click and drag your mouse from star to star.

* Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. *

...and this was Moondog's response:

Shoot an ostrich, the lion stops to eat it ,, that trips the horse,, and the other ostrich stop to put their head in the sand, and you pass the gazelles on the right....

how did I do?

Terror Strikes New Orleans Again!

The Top April Fool’s Jokes

The Top April Fool’s Jokes

* Fill the sugar bowl with salt...
Yummy...sure makes those wheaties/coffee taste good ! Not very
original, but highly effective! You can also use baking soda, will make hot coffee foam and bubble up!

* Switch the "MEN" and "WOMEN" signs on a pair of public
bathrooms while they’re occupied.

* Take tape the color of someone’s kitchen sprayer and tape the
trigger and aim it toward the front of the sink, where a person normally stands. The next person using the water will get soaked!

* Put some magnetic strips from those anti-theft devices in your
victim’s coat pocket before they leave a store.

* Put cherry Kool-aid mix in the shower head. What a surprise
first thing in the morning!

* For men - Take about 10 large safety pins; when your wife is
sound asleep attach her nightgown to the sheets with the safety pins. Lay back and wait for her to "turn over" .

* For women - Hide the the remote control. Watch your husband go nuts trying to find it. Or just take out the batteries. He will sit there for a long time trying to figure out what’s wrong with it.

* At the workplace- Grab a bottle of lotion that everybody uses and empty it out, then put in some of that cheap instant tanning lotion. Then in a few hours, people will walking around with orange hands, arms and maybe even faces.

* Submit your friend’s name to the newspaper’s obituary column.

* Discreetly take your friend’s car keys (you will have to sneak them back) and move their car down the block in the middle of the night or during lunch hour.

* Superglue a couple quarters to the ground on a busy sidewalk or
parking lot. Watch as people continue to try and pick them up.

* Butter all the doorknobs and toilet seats! Then stand back and
watch the fun!

LISSA’S: Hair Removal

Hair Removal

By: Anonymous

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors,

Nair and now...the wax. Read on.........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I’m not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip)

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I’m blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.

Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There’s no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it’s not! I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know

I need to do something. So I put my foot down. Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don’t let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I’ll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax.

So, now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It’s a very good conversation starter.

"So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn’t know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

She’s laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else’s night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I’m pretty sure I’m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD THAT BURNS!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It’s sooo painful, but I really don’t care. "IT WORKS!!

It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I’m numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I’m going to try hair color....."

Funny Dogs

Thanks Apryl

Funny Faces

Thanks Apryl

LISSA’S: Texas

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas ...

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas ;

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas ;

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas ;

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas ;

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas ;

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas ;

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas ;

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas ;

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and
everybody's passing you, you may live in Texas ;

If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly,' you may live in Texas ;

If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas .

Need to be cheered up?

Happy, Texas 79042
Pep , Texas 79353
Smiley, Texas 78159
Paradise , Texas 76073
Rainbow , Texas 76077
Sweet Home , Texas 77987
Comfort , Texas 78013
Friendship, Texas 76530

Love the Sun?

Sun City , Texas 78628
Sunrise , Texas 76661
Sunset, Texas 76270
Sundown, Texas 79372
Sunray , Texas 79086
Sunny Side , Texas 77423

Want something to eat?

Bacon , Texas 76301
Noodle , Texas 79536
Oatmeal , Texas 78605
Turkey , Texas 79261
Trout , Texas 75789
Sugar Land , Texas 77479
Salty, Texas 76567
Rice , Texas 75155
And top it off with:
Sweetwater , Texas 79556

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!

Detroit , Texas 75436
Colorado City , Texas 79512
Denver City , Texas 79323
Klondike , Texas 75448
Nevada , Texas 75173
Memphis , Texas 79245
Miami , Texas 79059
Boston , Texas 75570
Santa Fe , Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony , Texas 75861
Reno , Texas 75462

Feel like traveling outside the country? Don't bother buying a plane
ticket!

Athens , Texas 75751
Canadian, Texas 79014
China , Texas 77613
Egypt , Texas 77436
Ireland , Texas 76538
Turkey , Texas 79261
London , Texas 76854
New London , Texas 75682
Paris , Texas 75460

No need to travel to Washington D.C.

Whitehouse , Texas 75791

We even have a city named after our planet!

Earth , Texas 79031

And a city named after our State!

Texas City , Texas 77590

Exhausted?

Energy , Texas 76452

Cold?

Blanket , Texas 76432

Winters, Texas

Like to read about History?

Santa Anna , Texas

Goliad , Texas

Alamo , Texas

Gun Barrel City, Texas

Robert lee, Texas

Need Office Supplies?

Staples, Texas 78670

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus , Texas 76084

You guessed it..it's on the state line..

Texline , Texas 79087

For the kids...

Kermit , Texas 79745
Elmo , Texas 75118
Nemo , Texas 76070
Tarzan , Texas 79783
Winnie, Texas 77665
Sylvester , Texas 79560

Other city names in Texas , to make you smile.....

Frognot , Texas 75424
Bigfoot , Texas 78005
Hogeye , Texas 75423
Cactus , Texas 79013
Notrees , Texas 79759
Best, Texas 76932
Veribest , Texas 76886
Kickapoo , Texas 75763
Dime Box , Texas 77853
Old Dime Box , Texas 77853
Telephone , Texas 75488
Telegraph , Texas 76883
Whiteface , Texas 79379
Twitty, Texas 79079

And last but not least, the Anti-Al Gore City

Kilgore , Texas 75662

And our favorites...

Cut n Shoot, Texas
Gun Barrell City , Texas
Hoop And Holler, Texas
Ding Dong, Texas and, of course,
Muleshoe , Texas

Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas .

1. Beaumont to El Paso : 742 miles

2. Beaumont to Chicago : 770 miles

3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas

4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883.

5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water.

6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston .

7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America .

8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.

9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.

10. The worst natural disaster in U.S . history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island .

11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was ' Houston .'

12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island .

13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43' in
24 hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979.

14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union ) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.

15. A Live Oak (known as Big Tree) near Fulton is estimated to be over 1000 years old.

16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.

17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.

18. Texas has had six capital cities: Washington -on- the Brazos,
Harrisburg , Galveston , Velasco, West Columbia and Austin .

19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington DC (by 7 feet).

20. The name ' Texas ' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas'
meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas .

21. The State Mascot is the Armadillo (an interesting bit of trivia
about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females.).

22. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston .

LISSA’S: "Brokeback" spinoffs..

Back to the Brokeback Future





Star Wars: The Brokeback Empire











Brokeback Trek









Brokeback Planes Trains & Automobiles





Bill & Ted's Brokeback Adventure









Pirates of the Brokeback Caribbean





Dumb & Dumber Brokeback

LISSA’S: "Pinch My Nipples!!"

Wal-Mart Returns

This is hilarious! Remember this the next time you need to return something and they are giving you a hard time!!

A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,



'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!'

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager comes to the woman and asks,'Ma'am what's wrong?'

She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,



'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!'

which begins to draw an even bigger crowd! In shock, the store manager pleads, 'Ma'am, why are you saying that?'

In a huff, the woman says,



'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!!'

The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

Thanks Apryl!

LISSA’S: Bichology

..>




..>

Bichology

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, I'm called a bitch. When I stand up for those I love, I'm called a bitch. When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, I'm called a bitch. Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be. I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it. B - Beauty B - Beautiful I - In I - Individual T - Total T - That C - Control of C - Can H - Herself H - Handle Anything

thanks Apryl!

LISSA’S: Why do we have two hands?

Thanks Apryl!

LISSA’S: Workplace Notices

BILL’S: Bird Infestation

Just to compete with Lissa's "Meet the New Puppy" post

LISSA’S: Meet the New Puppy!!

Meet the New Puppy! ....And while you're at it, take a few pointers..!

LISSA’S: Cali vs Texas

CALIFORNIA:

- I can wear sandals all year long.

- I go to the Beach - not "down to the shore".

-Our chicks are WAYYYY hotter than yours. Well...Miami can hang.

- I say "like" and "for sure" and "right on" and "dude" and "totally" and "peace out" and "chill" and "tight" and "bro" and I say them often.

- I know what real cheese & avocados taste like.

-Everyone smokes weed and its no big deal.

-We'll roll up 40 deep when something goes down.

-I live next door to Mexicans, but we call them American's!

-All the porn you watch is made here, cause we're better and thats how it is.

- I don't get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe, Shasta, and Big Bear.

- I know 65 mph really means 100.

- When someone cuts me off, they get the horn and the finger and high speed chase cuz we dont fuck around on the road.

- The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border).

- My governor can kick your governors ass.

- I can go out at midnight.

-We judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code.

- I might get looked at funny by locals when I'm on vacation in their state, but when they find out I'm from California I turn into a Greek GOD.

- We don't stop at stop signs... we do a "california roll"...No cop no stop baby!

- I can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day.

- All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here.

- We're the Golden State. Not the Cheese State. Not the Garden State.....GOLDEN!!!

- We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them).

- I have the most representation in the House of Representatives, which means MY opinion means more than yours, which means I'm better than you [geez.... hahaha].

- The best athletes come from here.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


TEXAS:

Hey... California listen up... Texas is where its at!

- I too can wear sandals all year long... plus I can put on my boots to stomp a mudhole in your ASS!

- You may be able to go to the "beach" instead of the "shore"... but can you go to the drive thru "Beer Barn?" What now surfer boy? We got beaches too.

- You're chicks aren't way hotter than ours... they are almost equal... and thats only due to silicone, saline, botox, lasers and hair dye... We have the real ones and they can kick your womens' asses.

- We're taught to say "Yes Sir" and "Yes Ma'am" and respect our elders because of it. We also say "Howdy" and "fixin" and "Yall" are pretty much recognized right away anywhere in the world :) We're FAMOUS!

- You may know what real cheese and avocados taste like... but I know what 100% Grade A Angus Beef tastes like. Who wants avocados and cheese when you can have steak and potatoes? By the way, what kind of cheese are you talking about?

- Haha... who do you think grows the weed and sells it to you?

- Why roll 40 deep when something goes down if 5 corn fed country boys can get the job done...

- I live next door to Americans, but we call them Mexicans.

- About your Porn.... 3 words... "Debbie Does Dallas"... You can brag about it now, but we started it

- Why would you brag about not getting snow days off?

- We're smart enough to know 65mph means 65, but our LEGAL speed limit is 70.

- - When someone cuts me off, they get run over by my big ass truck, then I give them the finger and tell them to go back to California.

- The drinking age is 21, but if you aren't chasing the beer by 12 months old... you're behind.

- Yeah, Well my governor became the President of the United States... yours isn't even eligible.

- You can go out at midnight? Thats nice, I haven't even come home by then.

- Ok... you said,"You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code" and as hard as I try I have no idea what you're talking about... I think you're watching too much TV.

- Yeah, you'll definitely get looked at funny when you come to visit but we have another name for you pretty boys, and its not Greek, its French.

- Of course you don't stop at stop signs... none of you can drive.

- You can pick up Real Mexican food 24 hours a day huh... well we have that too PLUS I can swing by home depot and pick up 24 Real Mexicans anytime of day. Can you say catering?

- All the TV shows get filmed there... but where does your favorite poker game come from? Texas Hold'em anyone?

- You can keep your golden state... We're the Lone Star State...the one and only!!

- Do I have to remind you about the drive thru Beer Barn again? Does In-N-Out serve alcohol? (Oh and did I mention Dr. Pepper was created in Texas?)[TEXAS does have an In-N-Out as well. Liberty, Texas, baby...so stick that in your juice box and suck it!]

-And who gives a sh*t about In-N-Out! Let's not forget about the best place in the world to get a burger..... WHATABURGER!!!! (they have the best ketchup in the world & that's cause it's FANCY!) I've had In-N-Out & personally it sucks big donkey dick!! WHAT-A-BURGER!!! Only in TEXAS, baby!

- You guys have the best athletes huh?... Nine words... Lance Armstrong and The University of Texas at Austin - the biggest and best university in the world.

-Oh and remind me again who won the Rose Bowl between USC and Texas????? I believe it was the LONGHORNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Every thing is bigger in TEXAS.

- Cali, your sinking.

Though I could mention MICHAEL JOHNSON - Olympic Sprinter, World record holder in 200m and 400m, 5 Olympic Gold medals, 9 time World Champion (born Dallas, TX).

- Football is a religion, not a sport.

- In Texas, football means football, not soccer.

- 90% of football "movies" you guys are making are about Texas Football.

-Varsity Blues, filmed in Georgetown, TX - Friday Night Lights, filmed in Odessa & Houston TX - Necessary Roughness, filmed in San Marcos, Texas.

- Texas is the only state that can still separate to become its own country. The only way California's gonna accomplish that is if another earthquake comes along and you guys sink into the ocean. Can you say Atlantis.... hahaha!

-Only our state flag can be flown at equal height with the national flag (republic of texas bitches).

-Our Capital Dome is bigger than the one in Washington D.C. and there is a clause in our state's constitution that says that texas will secede from the union if it doesn't remain the biggest.

- We are the only state that has been a Country.

- And we can just plain kick your sunshine asses!!

And as the Great Sam Houston once said "Texas could survive without the United States, but the United States could not survive without Texas".